Dr David Mathew, Anaesthesiology Senior Resident from the National Healthcare Group, shares with us a poem entitled The Anaesthetist's Soliloquy.
The Anaesthetist’s Soliloquy
(This poem won 1st prize for the Medical Humanities Section during the 2019 Singapore Health & Biomedical Congress)
To the boy whose life slipped out of my hands
I taste
Sorrow as my heart bleeds tears of pain
Each time my eyes reignite
The burning memory of your voice
From the ashes of my suffering.
I saw
Hands deliver the drugs
Meant to keep you asleep
No longer than the moon’s
Rule over the night sky,
Yet you never awoke
To see another sunrise.
I felt
The red wheals over your skin
The antibiotic wreaking anarchy
Your puffy eyes, swollen windpipe
Lungs screaming for oxygen
As they silently suffocated.
I heard
The screams of your parents
Echo deep into the caves of my emotions
When they realized you were now
Afloat in a river far away from
Their worldly reaches.
I smell
The shackles of death
Pound my body for your freedom,
Each night I lay to rest
My heart bounces incessantly
With guilt trapped endlessly below
The ribs of my conscience.
To the boy whose life slipped out of my hands
Adrenaline could not save you,
Yet it keeps my heart throbbing
With your memories.
It squeezes my veins so tight
They bleed a teardrop from -
My five senses.
David Mathew
1. When did you start writing poetry?
I only started writing poetry around 4-5 years back. It all began when I read some wonderfully written poems with words that reached deep into the emotions of my heart. And those words enlightened a spark in me to piece together words of my experiences that would reach deep into other’s hearts as well. I guess being in medicine gave me the perfect platform of experiences to write about.
2. You have published poems in peer reviewed journals. Can you tell us more on that?
I am privileged to have my poems accepted into various medical journals such as Chest, Neurology and Anesthesiology. I found it very unique that some medical journals would dedicate a subsection to the Humanities, and I actively seek out journals with this special section. I also learnt that the poems are actually peer–reviewed and can take weeks to months before being accepted, not dissimilar to publishing a paper. This actually caught me by surprise, at the depth and detail to which the journals value their humanities publications.
3. Can you take us through your creative process?
At first sight, the humanities and medicine seem to lie on opposite ends of a spectrum – one being a science and the other an art. However, the graceful dance of words within a poem can actually marry the two disciplines together if orchestrated at just the right timing and tempo. I believe that experiences are just a “right string of words” away from being immaculately captured into a memory - a memory one can reflect on and learn from. Hence, I try to use words with simple concepts, yet powerful enough when turned into a metaphor.
4. Can you explain to us what this poem that you have chosen to share with us means to you?
This poem is actually based on a similar experience I witnessed as a medical student. I remember the raw emotions flashing through my mind after witnessing a paediatric death. I wanted to do the event justice by piecing together words that would accurately capture that moment - words that would immortalize themselves into the emotions of the readers such that they would be able to appreciate those same feelings I went through. I am very fortunate that the words of the poem pieced themselves together to illustrate the timeline, culminating in an ending uniting medicine and emotions as one.
5. What are your upcoming works?
As a newly minted Senior Resident, I have had to deal with challenging scenarios in daily life, sometimes witnessing a roller coaster of emotions especially with patients admitted to the ICU. These emotions actually present the perfect palette from which I can use the words of a poem to paint a story of the feelings encapsulated by them. I tend to try to write poems after undergoing traumatic experiences as the emotions are still raw and they tend to drive out the words from within. Most of the time though, I cannot spin these same words into a story coming one full circle – hence many failed pieces lay unfinished. I do hope to get the inspiration to finish them one day.
For more poems by our SingHealth Doctor-writers, visit this page: https://www.singhealthdukenus.com.sg/acp/medicine/Pages/Medical-Humanities-Doctor-Writers-Trove.aspx